Housework: Mortal Enemy, or Daily Companion.

If you're reading this today, it's probably because you too have thought about how household chores feel like a burden. You might wake up and the first thought that crosses your mind is: "I really don't want to clean the house today." Some people are great at making sure their house is clean when they go to bed, but a lot of us are too tired to get that done at the end of the day, and we hope to start anew the next morning. In so many cases, only one person in the home carries the load, or at least the majority of the load. Household duties are a full-time job--one that does not come with a paycheck. They often get done when most aren't paying attention and are overlooked once completed.

Some time ago, I posted a poll on my Instagram stories and collected data from different households, asking who did what chores in each home. The results of my poll may be shocking to some, or ring true to others.

Laundry – 60% of women tackle this chore without help, 40% of marriages say that it is completed by both partners, and 0% reported that this task is handled solely by the husband.

Organizing closets, drawers, and cabinets – 90% of women work at this one (extremely interesting), and 5% of men, and 5% of households both take part in organizing.

Creating a grocery list, stocking up fridge and pantry – 45% of both men and women cover this task, 41% of women do it without assistance, and 14% of husbands take care of managing this chore.

Cooking dinner and washing the dishes – I'm happy to report that for 71% of households, both the man and woman team up when it comes to this chore, only 19% percent of women take this one on alone, and only 10% of households have only the husband washing dishes. This seems to be the chore that most families can get on board with teamwork for!

Sweeping/vacuuming and mopping – Here I saw 48% of the women doing this on their own, in 38% of households it's a team effort, and 14% of men take on this chore alone.

Cleaning the bathrooms – 65% of women have this one covered, 20% of men take it on, and 15% of households have both men and women cleaning the bathrooms.

If you're wondering what the chain of command looks like in my home for chores, I'll give you a run-down of what our routine looks like. To be 100% transparent, I take care of all the laundry (this will be changing in the near future) from separating, washing, to drying and folding. Once I'm done folding, I'll leave it for my girls to put it away - except for the toddler, she's off the hook for now.

Organizing every nook and cranny falls on my lap, as it helps me think clearer and execute at a higher level to have my areas decluttered. Personally, I can't focus when there is a messy area haunting my mind. Since I am the one bothered the most by this, I naturally take it on.

I wouldn't say I have ever seen Ruben (my husband) create a grocery list, but he does the groceries and also helps stock up the fridge and pantry. I mean, I often take over because I'm borderline OCD and want everything to be put in a certain way, but he is really helpful in this arena!

Cooking dinner is something I want to do by myself on most days, however, when it comes to the cleanup process, I can always use some help. Before, I would wash all the dishes myself, but I have had several conversations with my family, and we have come to an agreement that this chore needs to be rotated, and it's not always going to fall on me. I've recruited my husband, and my daughters (13 yrs) and (11 yrs) to the wonderful world of washing the dishes. As you can imagine, they are thrilled with this assignment. It's alright. It builds character.

For the most part, I sweep and mop the house weekly. Sweeping happens on a daily basis, because well, I have a toddler. End of story. If you know, you know. If you're not there yet, get ready!

When it comes to the bathrooms…it always falls on me. No one in my family wakes up in the morning and says "Gee, the bathrooms need some TLC. Let me grab the bathroom cleaning caddy from the garage and get these bathrooms sparkling and smelling brand new". No one. No one but me has these thoughts or the desire to get it done. But as I alluded to previously, there has been a shift in me. A mind shift, if you will, on how I handle the chores that stress me the heck out to the point of exhaustion and overload.

It's not like this in all homes. For example, I have spoken to some men who do all of this housework or share the load with their wives. And as we saw in the data above, men like this clearly exist. This is all just my own speculation and opinion, but I believe it depends on how the man was brought up. If they had a mother who did everything for them, like washed and folded their clothes, cooked, cleaned, made their bed, and maintained their bathroom… well, that is what he is going to expect from you, if you don't negotiate/come to an agreement on those chores with him.

Arguments have escalated way too quickly over these chores between my husband and I. Like, to the point of questioning my marriage, and if I have the right husband. If you've had thoughts like this before, I want to let you know that it's normal. Many women struggle with this battle, which is why I felt moved to write this piece.

Now, let's talk about this rationally. You might feel like it's not fair at times, but as much as you wish you could make people do things – you can't. The only thing you can do is change the way you move. And let's be real, are you going to leave your spouse over dirty dishes and stinky clothes? When you break it down that way, it'll seem silly to do such a thing when there are ways to work it out.

Ladies, it's time we start solving our own problems and stop resenting our husbands. Are you with me?

Here are some things you can do to alleviate the household workload:

•Delegate – If you have children, teach them how to help around the house and assign chores for them to tidy up common areas of the house that everyone uses, and let's be honest – they're most likely the ones that made the mess. Let go of perfection and have them help. I have four children whose ages range between 13 and 3. You bet your butt I'll have them complete at least two household chores before going to bed. The little one gets to relax…but her time is coming.

•Negotiate – When it comes to you and your partner, I believe it's important to lay out every single thing that needs to be done in the house to make it a welcoming home. From that list, have real conversations around the chores you feel you could use some help with. Just so we're clear, negotiating is not the same as nagging. Nobody wants to be a nagging wife – so let's not be her.

• Outsource – two big changes we have implemented in our household chore routine, are taking the clothes to be sorted, washed, dried, and folded at the dry cleaners. And hiring a cleaning service once a week to clean the entire house (floors, bathrooms, etc.). Today was the first time I finally pulled the trigger and allowed a cleaning service to do the work I usually take care of on Thursdays, and don't finish until 4 am. Or the work that would take me a whole Saturday to accomplish. These two sweet ladies came in and finished the work in 3 hours. It's worth the investment, in my opinion.

•Ask for help – this one is actually extremely hard for me because I want to do everything myself. I struggle with perfection, and in return, it actually sabotages not only myself but opportunities for people to be a blessing in my life. I'm actively still working on being more open to people, because believe it or not, in person, I'm to myself. But if you're someone with lots of friends, ask those friends to help you out.

•Pray – did you really think I would write an entire blog without talking about the greatest recourse that we have? If you think God isn't interested in the mountain of laundry that is haunting you – you're wrong. He's the king of details and he cares about EVERY aspect of your life. Pray for his help, and he will – it's that simple.

That's literally how I get by every day; I pray. To offer you some personal perspective, I work a full-time job, and also do all the things we have been chatting about above, plus the childcare duties (which is a whole other job). To offer you more perspective, my husband works 90% on the road, and some days it feels like I'm a single mama. Single mamas - I want to remind you that even when you feel like the heaviest weights are on your shoulders, and you want to give up – God is there with you, waiting for you to share the load with him. It's a supernatural event that only happens when you vent it all out to him, and leave it to him to guide you and overcome.

Anytime I'm not sure what to do in my life, or how to handle particular situations, I turn to the word of God because I know if I listen and obey what his word says, life will be better. I decided to share with you a bible verse to help you re-think about the household chores and the tension it creates in most marriages.

Genesis 2:18 - Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

You see, our husbands need our help; The Lord designed you to help your husband. Trust me, I get it – it's a hard pill to swallow, but it is the truth.

I know it's difficult to accept that in today's culture because it seems like every woman out here wants to be a "Boss Biatch". This mentality makes us lessen our femininity - the very qualities that make us unique and different from men. We live in a world where people are confused about something as simple as their God-given gender. We're living in a culture that doesn't understand that women and men are different – and that is a good thing. Men think differently than women and have different roles to play. Men were created to be leaders, providers, and protectors. And women were created to complete them and fill in all the areas where they were lacking. So next time you want to throw a fit about the chores to your husband, shift your mind into thinking about what a blessing it is to have a husband. And think about how you can pray for him and help him. Thank God that you even have a household to manage, and take pride in the fact that He chose you as the perfect gal for the job. You can look at the housework as something you need to do OR something you get to manage.

I hope you found these words helpful and encouraging.